This is slightly edited to preserve the identity and hilariousness.Italics for slightly more IRL than the totally not IRL conversation.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: how are you?
You: better now that those emoticons are out
You: How's your arm?
You: any better?
Stranger: well ... it's still a little sore
Stranger: but I'll be fine ^^
Stranger: how's your leg?
You: I've been putting lotion on it, I think it's just the dry winter weather
You: should probably drink more juice
Stranger: let's hope so, otherwise you're screwed
Stranger: big time
You: I'll never make the finals
Stranger: aahh ... too bad
You: it's ok, I didnt need that peanut butter grant anyways
You: I've got money from my corn investments
Stranger: omg, now I have a English fail ... -.0
You: *pats your shoulder*
You: is ok luv
Stranger: thanks ^^ how nice of you
You: all strangers are kind
You: by the by, which candy is best to lure you with
You: i mean, surprise
Stranger: hahaha =P
Stranger: you should try something really sweet
Stranger: like a ... lollipop
Stranger: that usually works
You: pure sugar! i like your style
Stranger: uhu ^^
Stranger: I'm living life dangerous y'know
You: you sure are!
You: you really jazz up a place when you come in
Stranger: I'm even risking a toothache ... is that dangerous or what?!
Stranger: thank you
You: i'm just glad i'm not your insurer
Stranger: anymore .... Barry! long time no see!!!!
You: but close enough
Stranger: ah damn ... always pick the wrong one ...
You: It's ok, the beard throws people off
You: *removes beard*
Stranger: ah yes! =D now I can see
Stranger: you really do look like a dwarf with the beard ...
Stranger: something like ... Gimli
You: well i'm sure the axe doesnt hurt
Stranger: but it's a compliment, I assure you
You: if i had a nickle every time i heard that, I'ld be in court a lot more often
Stranger: huh? =P
You: *takes an asprin*
You: sorry, think i started to stroke out there
Stranger: probably ... it's that leg of yours ...
Stranger: always gives you trouble
Stranger: you should get rid of it
You: but i like being a tripod
You: i get all the good cyborg parking spaces
You: though... pants shopping has gotten difficult
Stranger: no shit!
Stranger: really ... you should get rid of it ... it's only making you ... yeah well ... don't have another word it ... ugly
Stranger: it makes you damn ugly
Stranger: really ... it does
You: is...do you think this is the reason Paulo dropped me as his ballroom dance partner?
Stranger: honey ... I'm sorry to burst your bubble ... but I think .... yes ... probably ...
You: I knew he wasnt secretly german and had to be deported!
You: that liar!
Stranger: you deserve much better!
You: but who could ever learn to dance with me?
You: I'm...so.. tan!.. *sobs*
Stranger: I could?
Stranger: I mean, I know I'm a woman, but hey ... who gives a damn?
You: Well, I never learned how to lead, so one of us will have to
Stranger: ah ... that could be a little problem ...
Stranger: we just have to go to Paulo and beat the hell out of him ... he will take you back, once he has one leg, and you have three
Stranger: keeps things in proportion y'know
You: yeah! then he can have my spare
You: it's only a strap on anyways, and it makes walking fast an issue
You: they usually do
Stranger: (omg, you're so funny xD)
You: (haaha you too)
Stranger: ( =D )
Stranger: but we need to make a plan ... what are we going to do about Paulo?
You: you know what, i was never any good at ballroom anyways
You: let him have his mongolian cheese farmer
Stranger: and is that a reason to quit?!?! huh?!?! huh?!?!
You: I'm going to pick up Flamenco!
Stranger: YOU GO OVER THERE AND LET HIM SEE WHO'S THE BOSS!!!!
Stranger: don't you dare walk out on me now!!!
You: Well i cant anyways, the hydrolics jammed up on me
You: *hits leg. compartment flies open and ducklings fall out*
Stranger: omg, can't hold it anymore xD
Stranger: this is the funniest conversation I've had in months! =P
Stranger: and ... *for all those bitches out there* WITHOUT ASL!! haha!
You: I was working up to a pun about ducklings in a row!
Stranger: who's the moron now? =P
You: heheh probably still me, but i OWN it!
Stranger: hahaha =P
Stranger: I like you, haha ^^
You: I have moderate fondness for you as well
You: I've giggled more in this than in the rest of the year (badumtshs)
Stranger: ghehe =D
You: i figure if it's still january that joke is ok
Stranger: hahaha xD
(edited for perils)
Stranger: three times hurray for Omegle!
You: *is the worst at that*
Stranger: it sounds ... well ...
Stranger: um ...
Stranger: never mind =D xD
Stranger: so, are you a guy or girl? =P I'm guessing you're a girl, because of the whole Paulo thingy =P
You: I'm a lady with girlparts
Stranger: lol ^^
Stranger: I'm female too, XX years old =P
You: gotta specify these days, I've met a few ladies with guy parts
You: I'm 1000times older at 26
Stranger: so you're ... like ... really old than!
Stranger: that's so ... old!
Stranger: like ... old man!
You: Ever need old people advice, I'm you're geezer
You: I do a great old man voice too, in case you need a cover story
Stranger: hahaha nice!
You: that...involves... an old man?
You: no clue what i'm on about
Stranger: hahaha =P
Stranger: so ... when I wanted to skip school or something, you can call my teacher to say: Luke, I'm your father!
Stranger: .... or something like that
Stranger: ? =D
You: if your teacher's name was luke
You: and had an estranged father
You: then that would confuse him bad enough he forgot about you
You: I like this plan!
You: it has NO flaws!
You: Hey distractobot!
You: You're distracting me from my mission
You: I've got to decide on things to paint
You: so i can sell them and get money to pay my nursing home bills
Stranger: lol, you're crazy and I like it xD
You: I am and i do too
You: Never go sane, it's boring
Stranger: I know
Stranger: I'd rather be crazy
Stranger: that way I might have some fun in life
You: But dont take it too far and get dumb, you've got to be insane and clever
You: that way you can be a hero instead of a villian
Stranger: so much wisdom
Stranger: you must be very wise
You: it's cause i'm haggard and decrepit
You: and my fake beard
Stranger: mostly the beard, yes
You: mostly yes,
You: had a mustache for a few months, noone took me seriously
You: maybe i shouldn't havd gone with the fumanchu
Stranger: how stupid ...
Stranger: I think a mustache is really sexy
You: I like sideburns
You: not civil war style
You: which i was in, cause i'm old
You: but 70's style,
Stranger: flower power
Stranger: I'll be right back =O
Stranger: need to zap myself to another space and time ...
Stranger: it'll take me 10 minutes at most
You: i'll be here, lurking about
Stranger: OK, I'll be coming back for you!
Stranger: won't leave you here to die!
Stranger: I promise!
Stranger: brb xD
You: *mucks about*
Stranger: *pulls out lasergun wich I'd hidden in my sock* pieuw pieuw!! RUN, THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU!!!! pieuw pieuw!!
You: *wonders why you're holding a banana and making pewpew noises*
You: that's no banana!
Stranger: no ... it's a lasergun, I told you
Stranger: now! run! before they get here!
You: *picks up her ducklings and tries to hobble away*
Stranger: faster, faster!!
Stranger: throw your legs away and crawl if you have to! it would probably be faster!! go my child! go now!
You: I cant go any faster! I'm a tripod cyborg not a starship engineer!
You: *detaches leg and sprints*
You: (but not very far because i'm terribly out of shape)
Stranger: yes! THAT'S what I'm talking about!
You: *slow jogs*
Stranger: omg ... why did you fell?
Stranger: don't fall!
Stranger: omg ... they're so close!!!
Stranger: pieuw pieuw!!!
Stranger: I got your back!
You: *wonders who could be chasing her*
Stranger: it's .... it's ... omg, it's too dreadfull to say out loud
Stranger: use your fourth eye and see for yourself
You: is...is it.. (uses her speciel secret eye)
You: It's the American Pigeon Collectors Club of Northern California!
Stranger: I told you so
You: Those Smug Bastards!
Stranger: oh wait ...
Stranger: I didn't ...
Stranger: never mind!
You: It's no use! Which those damndable birds of theirs we can never run far enough!
You: really they're quite astounding
You: little hats and everything
Stranger: and the gloves ... don't forget about the gloves ...
You: for the birds?
You: oh right, the members
You: I thought you meant the birds had gloves, which would be silly
You: AND THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER
You: We've only one viable option
Stranger: I would never play a trick on you like that! you know you can trust me!
Stranger: of course birds don't wear gloves!
Stranger: tell me ...
You: You know what must be done
Stranger: I don't wanna think about it!
You: i mean, you would have had you read my blog
You: You've got to think about it
You: and then do it!
Stranger: but I'm scared
You: It's ok, i'll be here
You: holding the bucket
Stranger: OK ... will you be holding my hand?
You: well i could hold a smaller bucket
Stranger: *throws buckets towards birds and then jumps off planet*
Stranger: and now ... we wait
You: Foolish birds
Stranger: ha ha, we got rid of them
Stranger: nice work, partner!
You: with those tiny hats they will never be able to fit space helmets over them
You: *high fives*
You: (altitude joke)
Stranger: yeah! so ... what's our next mission?
Stranger: y'know ... I'm done with it for today ... let's call Superman
Stranger: let him do all the work
Stranger: I'm sick of it
You: me too
You: having a cape is a lot of responsibility
You: *txts superman*
Stranger: you can say that alright ... let him prove he's still worthy
You: He says he's at a pub with Lois but he'll get right on it after they finish their hot wings
Stranger: omg ... Superman and hot wings ... do they ever part ...? *sighs*
You: haha NO, if he didnt run so much he'ld be SuperTubbyMan
Stranger: I know, right?
Stranger: his big fat tummy almost flops out of his suit!
Stranger: it's terrible
You: I told him sweing a girdle into it didnt fool anyone
You: that S hides Nothing
You: he claims the point is slimming
Stranger: he needs to be on weight watchers ...
You: he is.. watches his weight go UP UP and AWAAAYY!!
You: (haha oh that's a terrible one)
Stranger: LOL!!!! XD
(edited for contract propriety)
Stranger: =D =D
You: I should've known
Stranger: sorry ...
Stranger: should've told you ... right?
You: Naw, just something i should've known, i mean i've been looking at you this whole time
You: it's kinda hard to hide
You: I'm really not too observant today
Stranger: not for me
Stranger: I have this thing I can pull over my second head ... makes it invisible
You: Ahhh yes, perception filter
Stranger: err ... yes! one of those!
You: (doctor who)
Stranger: ah yes!
Stranger: yes, exactly!
You: Yes, right
You: I got all of none of the painting done tonight
You: but i'm ok with that
You: and you should be too!
You: Be ok with it!
Stranger: I'll try ...
You: *shakes your shoulders*
You: You Gotttaaaaa
Stranger: arrghhh OK!!!
Stranger: I will
Stranger: but it's not easy!
You: Well, how about i promise to paint twice as intensely tomorrow
You: to make up for it
Stranger: that would work ...
Stranger: yes OK ...
You: Good good
Stranger: I think it's very nice of you to do so!
You: Well, anything to make you feel better about it
Stranger: it shows that you still care and all
You: after all this time
You: I know i dont always show it but i do
Stranger: still ... I wanted to ask this one question ... all the time we were apart, I kept thinking about it ...
You: *makes a puffer fish face*
Stranger: why did you cheat on me with that hippo? I mean, it could be anyone! the frog, the ant, the elephant, for my part! but no ... you had to go for the hippo ... why? you knew it would hurt my feelings really bad ...
You: Honey darling sugarlips, You know how i feel about hefty aquatic quadropeds
You: there are some desires i just cant fight
You: besides, she beat me at that checkers game and i've never been back
Stranger: I suggested the whale ... =( but the hippo got you attention ...
You: She had such hoppity checkers skills
You: how could i have guesses she was a hustler
You: I lost all the taffy i had
Stranger: well ... let's forget about it .. I'm willing to take you back, but you have to promise me that this won't happen again ... my poor broken and mostly bruised heart could not take it
You: I promie
You: I prosei
You: ..I Proooommm....fffiise
You: *clears throat*
You: I promise to not leave you for a checkers playing Hippo again
Stranger: OK, just really needed to hear that ... now ... come give momma a kiss!
You: *hands you a chocolate*
Stranger: I was aiming for the oranges ...
Stranger: why do you give me chocolate?
Stranger: you think we will win the war with chocolate?
You: I TOLD you i was out of taffy
Stranger: don't care
Stranger: give me the oranges, or die
Stranger: your choice
Stranger: now gimme some!
You: I spent them all on christmas
You: You can wait like everyone else
Stranger: or there more who want some oranges?
You: Oh darlin there's a line of folks trying to get at my oranges
Stranger: oh my God, I thought I was the only one! *does silly dance around the room* I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE, WOEHAAAA
(edited for time)
Stranger: lolz =P
Stranger: I just had this conversation @ msn with some guy who said: lulz
Stranger: I was almost choking in my drink, because 'lul' is duth for dick =P
Stranger: he was constantly talking about 'lul' and I just couldn't stop laughing xD
You: that's spectacular!
Stranger: later on I explained to the poor guy what it meant, and why I was making fun of him =P
You: Oh that is Brilliant
Stranger: and I can't spell anymore, so I see =P
Stranger: it's dying, oh noes, it's dying =(
You: what is dying!?
Stranger: I don't know anymore how to spell my words correct =(
You: oh that's just fine
You: i never know how to spell
Stranger: in my defence: I'm dutch, not american ... so bite me =P
You: I have no idea where you've been!
You: American makes normal words spelled funny anyways
You: but i spell some things the UK way
Stranger: hm, I guess that's true =P
Stranger: one 'lul
Stranger: two 'lullen'
You: you're... lullen me to sleep with your lullaby
Stranger: LOL! XD
You: oh how terrible! Lullaby.. *will never be able to comfort a child with song again*
Stranger: just like 'swaffelen' =P wich means that a guy hits anything (subject, human) with his ... well ... thingy ... little worm ... his ... snake ... well, you know what I mean!
You: ahah i love that there's a word for that
Stranger: lol XD
You: maybe i should learn dutch eh?
Stranger: I would very much like to teach you =D
You: That would be an offer i'ld take up
Stranger: nice ^^
Stranger: lol =P
You: any trade? i could teach you how to cook like a southerner
You: or swear like a nerd
You: or... finger paint!
Stranger: hm ... I'll take the swearing of the nerd =P
Stranger: 'The swearing of the Nerd' tonight! 08:00pm, bring your jedi figure!
You: a lot of it is inside jokes, with back stories and crossover references
You: which makes it an indepth and complicated study
Stranger: so it's like going back to school or something xD it's a complete aducation? =P I'm in! xD
You: we're gonna have to edjumacate you proper
Stranger: oh dear! =O
You: you'll get all learned up good
You: ooh, i could teach you how to talk like a redneck, ahahha, i mean, i would never teach you wrong
You: on porpoise
Stranger: don't like rednecks ...
Stranger: they're so ... red
Stranger: I'd like them more if they were blue
You: many are, which is why they drink shine
You: moonshine, hootch, white lightning
Stranger: sounds like a fairytale
You: mamas milk, fire water, everclear
You: but this one might make you blind if you drink a bad batch
You: but probably only for a bit
Stranger: so ... what's up with your oranges? (slightly changing the subject because I don't wanna go to rehab)
You: They're not for sale or barter!
You: do they not have oranges in your motherland!?
Stranger: nohh?? =( but you know me so well! could you pleeeeeease sell me one? =(
Stranger: yes they have, but I like yours better ...
You: snark will only get you so far
You: but it's a pretty good distance
Stranger: you're so sweet and nice and funny and OH! you're so beautiful!! (almost there yet?)
You: I might be able to spare a tangerine.. i'll have to sleep on it..
You: the idea not the fruit
Stranger: lol? xD
You: fun story: when my grandpa was in the military he used to toss oranges against a wall and beat them up then inject vodka into them
You: that way on long marches it was like a portable screwdriver
Stranger: nice =P
You: ahhh yes, the olden days
You: how good they were in non specific ways
Stranger: the good old times, when you spelled cow like 'coow'
Stranger: yes yes ...
Stranger: the memories ...
(edited for balloons)
You: I'ld like to apply to be your snarky overseas advisor
You: give you advice on all life's hard choices, like which soup to order
Stranger: OK gra... I mean ... snarky overseas advisor ^^
Stranger: so ... wich soup should I order? been wondering about it for days!
You: what's the word for spinster in dutch?
Stranger: tomato ... mushroom ... onion ...
Stranger: could you define spinster? =P
You: if they make it really good, get the onion, but only if there's a melty bread cheese thing going on
You: a woman past marriagable age who chooses or is resigned to being unwed
You: usually has some allotment of cats
Stranger: ouwe vrijster I guess =P
Stranger: not sure though =P
Stranger: but it sounds like it ^^
You: ouwe vrijster? spinster is also a female version of a lifetime bachelor
Stranger: yep, ouwe vrijster =P
Stranger: so, are there other words you would like to learn? =P
Stranger: you've already learned 'lul', 'swaffelen' and 'ouwe vrijster' =P
You: i'm halfway to becoming a master!
Stranger: haha, in about two days we can talk dutch all the time! you're a fast learner, that's nice =P
You: he swaffelen the ouwe vrijster which is how he injured his lul
Stranger: hahahahaha xD exactly! xD
Stranger: and if you wanna say it right: doordat hij de ouwe vrijster swaffelde is hij gewond aan zijn lul
Stranger: lol xD
You: oooohohoh yeah, that's going to be my new twitter profile
Stranger: lol! xD
Stranger: please take a screenshot xD
Stranger: too bad, I have to go ... but I'll talk to you on X-X really soon! =D it was the nicest convo I've had in ages ^^ thank you very much! =D
You: Been a real treat
You: have fun, dont get kidnapped!
Stranger: I'll do my best =P
Stranger: have fun today ^^
You: Will do!
Stranger: haha, bye bye ^^
You: *wanders off*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I thoroughly enjoyed this silliness and got a new overseas buddy. Pretty swell for a random Omegle session.